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Why White Men Feel Left Out of the DEI Conversation

In late 2023, Elon Musk denounced diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives. He said, “Diversity, equity and inclusion are propaganda words for racism, sexism, and other -isms.” 

In the wake of Elon Musk's remarks, the discourse surrounding the value of DEI initiatives has been reignited. Musk's assertion, while provocative, brings to light a crucial aspect of DEI efforts that often gets overshadowed: the inclusion and engagement of the majority, particularly white men, in the journey towards a more diverse and equitable workplace.

For some working in the DEI space, his comments were controversial. But the truth is that he voices a concern that many white men have about DEI efforts. His comments made us reflect on one of often overlooked challenges within DEI discussions - how to bring white men along on the DEI journey.

If you’re not in, you’re out

DEI initiatives are about levelling the playing field so that different types of people can play, and so that different types of people can win. Whilst this sounds simple enough, it requires change and unfortunately, many of us are bad at change - especially when we feel like that change would put us in a worse off position. This can lead to feelings of fear and resistance to change - especially when you feel as if you are the one who stands to lose. This is known as loss aversion, a cognitive bias that suggests that we would rather avoid loss than acquire an equivalent gain.

A study by Diversity Best Practices entitled, "Engaging White Men As D&I Champions" found that some DEI initiatives have unintentionally excluded white men which prevents them from authentically buying into DEI practices. Given that white men tend to hold positions of power and are part of the decision-making class, the lack of buy-in slows down the progress of real change.

According to the White Men's Leadership study, nearly 70% of white men report feeling "forgotten" by DEI efforts and state that feeling uncertain about whether DEI initiatives include them is the main reason for disengagement or a lack of commitment.

So why do white men feel excluded? The following reasons are most commonly cited:

  • Societal Expectations: DEI is often reduced down to what we can see. This can create a perception among some that white men, as the majority, are less impacted by diversity and inclusion efforts. This perception can lead to feelings of exclusion as some men believe their unique experiences and contributions are undervalued.

  • Uncomfortable conversations: When the discussions outline the negative behaviours and actions of members of a certain group that you are a member of - you might feel guilty by association, even if you have not engaged in the behaviours that are being discussed. This unease can make white men disconnect from DEI discussions. This sense of unease can hinder open dialogue and mutual understanding.

  • Psychological Factors: Some approaches to DEI training unintentionally create an "us versus them" dynamic, fostering feelings of exclusion among certain groups. 

Exclusion, irrespective of one's background, significantly impacts overall morale within the workplace. When individuals feel excluded, morale decreases, leading to decreased engagement, motivation, and ultimately, productivity. The foundation of effective teamwork lies in a sense of belonging and shared purpose. Exclusionary sentiments can disrupt team dynamics.

Why this matters

White men, as the predominant demographic in many leadership positions, play a pivotal role in shaping organisational culture and policies. Engaging them in DEI efforts is not about assigning blame or diluting the importance of inclusivity; rather, it's about fostering understanding, empathy, and allyship. Here's why involving white men is essential:

  • Broader Perspectives: Including white men in DEI discussions provides a more comprehensive understanding of the challenges faced by underrepresented groups. Their perspectives can offer valuable insights into systemic issues and help drive more effective solutions.

  • Cultural Influence: White men often hold significant influence within organisations, making their buy-in crucial for the success of DEI initiatives. By actively involving them, you can leverage their leadership to champion diversity and inclusion from the top down.

  • Building Allies: DEI is not a zero-sum game. Engaging white men as allies in the journey towards inclusivity strengthens the collective effort. When everyone can recognise their role in advancing equity, they become powerful advocates for change within their spheres of influence.

  • Addressing Resistance: Musk's comments underscore the existence of resistance and scepticism towards DEI initiatives, particularly among certain demographic groups. By engaging white men in open dialogue and addressing their concerns, you can dismantle misconceptions.

And for those who feel excluded, who think that it is unfair that a woman or person of colour was promoted over them? The truth is that the system has never been fair. But when that fairness means that some people get a little less so that others can get a little more, you have to ask yourself whether you can truly advocate for equity and fairness, while maintaining that nothing changes.

But we must acknowledge that loss aversion is powerful. Loss aversion is a cognitive bias that suggests that for individuals the pain of losing is psychologically TWICE as powerful as the pleasure of gaining.

So what's the solution?

  • If your DEI initiatives allow for people to feel that there has been a loss, you need to reframe your messaging. Talk about what the company or team gains from equity and inclusion, rather than what individuals might lose.

  • Put the loss into perspective, allowing the impact of the loss to be minimised.

The Need for Reform

If DEI initiatives still engender such a response from white men in your organisation, perhaps you are too loss focused and it's time for significant reform of DEI practices to address and eradicate the exclusionary sentiments that have emerged, particularly among certain groups like white men. 

The urgency for reform lies in the core principles of DEI, which aim to create environments where everyone feels valued, respected, and included.

By reforming DEI strategies, organisations can proactively address the unintended consequences, ensuring that diversity and inclusion efforts are perceived as collective goals that benefit everyone, rather than measures that are only good for specific demographics.

Moreover, reform is essential for maintaining the credibility and effectiveness of DEI initiatives. A workplace culture that truly values diversity requires ongoing adaptation to the evolving needs and expectations of its workforce. The reform process should involve a reassessment of communication strategies, the implementation of intersectional approaches, and the incorporation of innovative practices that promote inclusivity without inadvertently excluding any particular group.


The journey towards diversity, equity, and inclusion requires the active participation of everyone, including white men. Engaging them as allies and champions of change is not only essential for organisational success but also a moral imperative in creating a more equitable society. 

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